Saudade

So I decided to come back. The money ran out and I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay another two months as planned. I’m already in London, thinking how badly I had calculated everything. I have to start looking for a job NOW. I’m angry and disappointed. That’s not how it was supposed to be. What about Brazilian Christmas? What about the carnival? I may never have another chance to see it. And my boyfriend is only coming in March. Is it a good idea to be away from a guy for two months? I’ll wither away with saudade*. I met up with a close friend and told her all my worries. Told her how quickly my dream had come to an end and how sorry I was feeling for myself for letting things turn out this way. She listened patiently and tried to comfort me. I leaned on her shoulder and started to cry. Uncontrollably. I rubbed my eyes and almost doubled with the pain of regret. And then I woke up. Eyes still wet. It was just a bad dream. I’m still in Brazil. And determined to make the most it.

*saudade – one of those words which are very difficult to translate to English; it usually denotes a general feeling of sadness and longing for something (often from the past; friends, family, good times). When referring to people, it simply means that you miss them.